RESToration

I have had the biggest issue with going to sleep and getting a good nights rest. I blamed my frequent trips to the hospital for this for a long time. During my period of illness I was admitted into the hospital , well lets just keep it at well over the amount an average person should and within each admission of course you deal with the physical issues of your body keeping you up but in addition to that there is a group of people dedicated to research and monitoring that just means finding out not only what is ailing you but also investigating the best ways to get you back to a healthier state of being. Basically non stop healthcare professionals in and out of your room detailing and documenting each vital sign symptom and whatever else you have been assigned to be under observation of in addition to the medication that is a foreign substance circulating throughout your body as you are not in a complete and whole sense of caring for yourself. All this being said was to defend my case that yes of course my sleep is off.

The truth is I have always been this way. I was taught that an idle mind is the Devil's workshop so I keep myself busy with a to do list that never end when I was younger playing sports constantly showing interest in learning new things always finding myself being the leader of a club or group pf people  and then of course as you get older you actually do inherit a great deal of responsibility and for me that was with my children. so not only do a I have my own personal to do I have their to dos I am constantly occupied with.

I built walls of tasks so you would never catch me doing absolutely nothing. I came home from a hospital visit and the first thing I started to do as I walked in the house was clean I did not make it upstairs to my room until maybe 5 hours later. It was like my mind just started right back where it left off so my body followed suit, forgetting what I just came out of which was a serious visit I could have not made it through. As I sat on my bed I was heavy with concern on why I do this to myself. Do I really feel the need to be always doing something or is this me covering up me not focussing on what should be addressed? Its true I need cleanliness and order to process things effectively but what I was doing was excessive (OCD) and worry can lead me right back to major health problems. That night I made it my mission to set an alarm every night to go to bed and that meant turning off and stopping everything I do and go lay down even I don't go to sleep I had to stop at that time. I did this for a month. As you could imagine the first week was insanely rough. I am known for also being someone you can come to if needed and so the hardest task was not answering calls or texts... Man what a discipline!! I just had to pray that it was not an emergency an that hopefully the person on the other line would understand I have to get back to them at a more convenient time. I still struggle with this but what I have gained from seeking rest is greater than the struggle. My peace has been restored and that is major. There is no way I can be in the position of being someone you can depend on if I am not adequately equipped without worry or being always busy from being available to even myself. I learned how to be available to me and that meant not so preoccupied with things I felt I need to do and not allowing God to be who He is. A provider and I trust that. I trust He will provide for not only my needs but the needs of others and I need to be well rested when it is time for me to step into my position/role I play in this life.

A Solid Foundation

Building relationships are important to know and understand how to do. So far each post I have written is pertaining to a relationship with God being the foundation to our  relationships. Why should our relationship with God be our foundation to build on? God gives you the opportunity through our relationships with others to build on what He has established in you. Notably this but it is also allows us to give to others who God has called us to be. Knowing who you are is primary to how you respond to being in relationships with others. The process of building in relationships is to improve who we are and what/how we do.

Building a better relationship with God is building a better you. He knows the purpose in His creation. Investing in this can bring you peace and that is truthfully the real goal in life. Understanding who you are will build confidence and cause you to live by a standard. Having a standard means you will not allow others to dictate or take over your life, self-worth, and purpose.

"He who loves understands, and he who understands loves." 

-Paul Tournier

I enjoy this quote because it brings out the truth in which we must take into account. Sure it's important that we love but more importantly to understand why we must love. We must love with no condition attached just simply because we understand that without it we cannot truly be imitators of God. God is love.

Build in love, the kind that permeates throughout your entire being and takes you into eternal peace and joy. 

  

Growth in Recovery

I wrote my story before my transplant and I am glad I did. I have since this story been in three major surgeries in less than a year. I am currently going through procedures from my colon being removed and reading this has helped me in understanding the fullness of my recovery process. Reading this has allowed me to give myself credit for the things I am currently working through in my relationships and outside of them. I am still in the proper timing of who God has created me to be as I am recovering and being made whole, restored. We must trust that all things work together for good. It's not about my personal good as much as it serves for a greater understanding of how good God operates in maintaining order.


Well here it is ...


I was 16 years old when diagnosed with autoimmune hepatitis. I didn't understand how your body would just decide to attack itself but it never stopped me from leading a full life of athletics. I ran marathons throughout school played soccer and basketball but running became my relief through college. I had two kids. The first in 2007 was my son and I called him my chosen one. I knew that having a child would be a nine month battle but I chose to go through with it. I had to go to several doctors and get treatments every so often. This is while going to school full time and working. After he was born I discovered I had also ulcerative colitis that developed from the pregnancy so that just added to the main issue. I had to move forward now to take care of a child. I never stopped running, never stopped going to school or working. I was pushing myself to my limit while taking care of my disorders. In 2009 I had my daughter, I call her my fighter because she was almost a miscarriage but through all of the things that I was doing to support my son and myself, she fought to stay here. Eventually I had to go on bed rest at the end of my pregnancy with her, more medical bills and now paying back student loans accumulated from over the years. I eventually ended up getting married to their father. Then one day my body shut down on me and my husband left me and the kids alone. I went to live with my sister who helps a lot. Now, after a few years, my children and I are back living with my parents. I have weekly appointments, emergency hospital admissions, and continuous treatments and procedures to help maintain me as stable as possible. I have been on disability for 3 years now that means one small check a month to take care of me and my 2 blessings, my kids.




I have always shied away from an opportunity to share my story. I don't know, I thought if no one knew it, was a step closer for me to just be normal, ordinary. But no matter how much of a secret I kept my life the extraordinary tended to follow. Around this time, (August of 2013), no one could have told me God had a plan for my life and I believe it because I felt I was facing the last of my days of my life at this moment. I had been ill for the past two months (June and July) prior and in the hospital fighting. I lost my home I had just got with my, then husband and two children, and eventually my husband at the time( I had just married that April) left me to tend to kids and come up with how we were going to now survive (just the three of us). Thank goodness for my family, they swooped in and took my kids in their care until I could get better which was the plan. Still wreak with questions and a shaken faith I was being told my percentages for liver transplant success, this was not high. My doctors felt they needed to act quickly on this pain that was leaving me weak so I was being prepared for multiple surgeries. I was visited by everyone in one evening from the Chaplin to the anesthesiologist. I told my own family who was calling me not to come visit me. All I wanted was peace so I told everyone not to come visit just go to the church and pray and I'll call and conference. The very next morning I was up and walking and without pain, I did not need those surgeries.



There has been some struggling points. I had days when I couldn't see my progression. I tried everything to make the things in my life successful. I beat myself up for not reaching a certain level of accomplishment and then there came a time when I realized I didn't understand progression; I found out that's why I couldn't see it.


You’re not just created to live but to utilize your purpose. That's why I have my non-profit event, A Chosen Generation Cafe where I speak to young people about my story and how I overcame all odds installing a message of being exceptional in Christ, who lives in me and in the lives of others.

Pray without ceasing

1 Thessalonians 5:17  "Praying without ceasing."

To be in constant communication with God is key to the direction in which we move in our lives because He gives us direction through His word and to obtain this direction we must listen. This is our example of effective communication that we should reference in all of our relationships.
         
Communication keeps us away from making foolish decisions out of ignorance. We cannot just assume what God's will for us is by merely just acting according to our own understanding of His word We still need Him, the Holy Spirit to connect the things we are knowledgeable of to what He is truly saying and speaking over our lives. We must not only talk to Him on a consistent basis but also listen.

Jeremiah 33:3  Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.

This is key to obtaining knowledge and a wise man knows he needs knowledge ... We need the things learned through instruction and application which is the wisdom we need to be in a successful relationship. Invest the time in your relationships that is required for the full understanding of why you are in it.

A comprehensive relationship is to understand the truth of being in that relationship you hold with one another.

truth = the original information

I love the simplicity of this definition. We would like to think God is complex but He is not. In fact He is just this simple when it comes to His will for us. All He truly desires from us is to be as He has created us to be, in His image, imitators of His love. Show love in effective communication with others.

Thanking God for Community

I've been confronted with feelings of anxiety and depression. Dealing with being unsure with how I am going to survive different situations is not something I handle well, at least in my opinion. I become a bit excessive when it comes to preparing my everyday life. I want to feel at peace with certain tasks and people. I try to cover all basis of scenarios of events that could possibly take place so I do and I did to that at one point I did not include the people that were involved because they wouldn't do  or complete things the way I saw it fit or in my eyes the way it should be. I found out the struggle was real when I became very ill from  a liver disorder I was diagnosed with at a young age. I came out of a two month hospital stay and could not walk,  could barely move my arms so I was assisted in bathing and combing my hair plus a lot of other things that may seem small when you're at your best I could not do on my own. I needed help.

I had a fear of maybe I would not ever get back to where I used to be physically, financially, mentally. At the time I did not address these fears because I had way too much to think about than some little feelings I had. I had/have two children that need me at my best so at the end of the day thats all they would see out of me, my best, which at the time for me was not what I saw as my best. I would push pass severe pain doing things I knew I probably should not have been doing LOL (I still cannot fully admit this). I remember those around me were trying to tell me to just rest (they still do to this day) and of course would try and assist me the best they knew how. No one person could do anything the way I saw it should be but everyone there for me did their best and collectively I saw how it needed to be. I was humbled real quick. My patience was tested tremendously and my trust in God grew enormously, and this was just the beginning of a 5 year crazy fight with my illness.

Since then I have had a liver transplant, my spleen removed, and my colon removed as well. I get the looks and comments whenever I disclose this information to anyone. I really do not look like what I have been through and actually for the most part I don't feel like it either. I had a day when I was texting a friend that I did not want to take any medicine for a headache, his text "I don't blame you, you've been through a lot." I have been told this a little more than a lot but for some reason it did not click until I read it in this text message. I thanked him, my understanding that it was ok to feel a certain way was never there and now I could. I'm not saying you should feel sorry for yourself and go into a depression but recognizing that we are part flesh (human) allows us to see that we should not get caught up in the feeling so deep we go into a deep depression and never see how spiritual strong we are in God and who He created us to be. I have been through a whole lot and I still have some days I am under the weather. I take each day with stride and most importantly I accept gratefully the things I can control and the things I can not I sit back and watch God do what He does BEST!

If it was not for each part of Him showing me how collectively I needed Him I would not have understood how to properly handle my unsure feelings and fears. I would not have conquered my feelings of sorrow in times of loneliness and I definitely would not even find it necessary to continue to push for my PURPOSE  being fulfilled.

*Romans 12:4-5
For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.

The Grand Detour

Soooo ... I've been ghost for a minute but I'M BACK!!! For those of you who don't know I had gotten really ill, I mean so sick to the point I was actually barely moving so to even think that I could commit to writing I definitely needed motivation from within to do so. Mentally I was down, ya girl was out for the count but I pushed as hard as my body could stand and I made it. (I'll be speaking on my FIVE year journey in future articles). I had to make some stops but while I was on my Detour or the more "scenic route", I picked up on some things that I could utilize. *as always with me its about the appreciation for the learning process*

I'm not sure if I will be starting up my class again but I promise you I will be posting new articles from time to time.

I'm going to be honest, growing up I really did not care to be in any relationships outside of the ones I had to be in within my family (my siblings, parents, cousins). SO even feeling the need to speak on them has been a struggle for me. Also, I am a single /divorced mother of two and have been since starting this blog and that information alone tripped me out. It was the question of .. How can a happily single woman feel the audacity to speak about being in relationships? I actually struggled with this question when I was asked to teach a course on relationships. Yes I still taught the course but it took some going back and forth within myself to do. Well I found out in the process of teaching it was needed for me more than it was for others but telling my story about them I had to see that others need to hear as well for the healing to be complete. O that was the revelation I came to by the way I was not at all willing to deal in my own relationships because I felt it was time consuming and I was limited on time. Whats hilarious about that statement is how can I truly say that when I don't even know the exact time that I have for my lifetime? I realized that I was not well from the relationships I had "failed" in, from my friendships, lovers, and some family. I needed to be mended, I needed to be nurtured and cared for. God definitely worked in every facet of my life, through those I least expected and those who have always been around. People who seemed at first insignificant were more involved in the process of my healing than any others. THIS allowed me to cherish the time I do have and fully involve my growth process to be active in my relationships and when I began to do that I found out how each of them were a success non of them failed me. I gained from each of them  and became more equipped.

See I didn't change my route I just had to go back to the where I had begun and truthfully define what my failures were and what my successes were then start fresh, renewed.
I've never changed, I've always known who I was, Who I am, and Whose I am. So in the end or the Beginning I am wiser than before and so I never fell short or failed to see the things and opportunities that were offered to me as I veered off course. I'm not at all saying it was ALL part of the ultimate plan but it did turn out to be beneficial for my PURPOSE.

My relation with God never fails because from it we build and we grow TOGETHER. Yessir I said it God has the ability to grow and He does it through us.


*Psalm 149:4
For the Lord takes pleasure in His people; He will beautify the afflicted ones with salvation.

*Proverbs 8:30-31
Then I was beside Him, as a master workman; And I was daily His delight, rejoicing always before Him, Rejoicing in the world, His earth, And having my delight in the sons of men.