I started back to seek God a little over a year ago because I wanted His favor back in my life. It seemed as though when I started skipping church and not praying as often that's when my life began to spiral down. I was depressed, sad, angry so much more often than not. So I began to go back to church "religiously" and praying but nothing was too different. I was still doing the same things I was doing of course, I didn't believe what I was doing was wrong even though I had been told it was a sin I justified it by saying well God doesn't expect me to be perfect anyway plus He knows my heart. Well one day I hear God ask " Where are you?" Of course I'm like HUH?!!? I thought you could see all things you can't see me. He didn't say anything else so of course I was left with BLANK. What could He have meant by this doesn't He recognize me or know the sound of my voice. well I didn't stress too hard on it after, I just kept praying and asking God for the usual give me strength, understanding .. etc. This year has been good to me, really it has. I was convinced that my prayers were being heard now and everything was turning around until one day in March I got into a heated argument with someone very close and special to me. It's funny it happened during this time period because it was a significant marker point to another event that was suppose to happen but of course that fell through the end of the year before. But anyway this argument left me torn, sad, angry, broken, .. How could I once again come back from this? Well, a voice more distant now speaks to me and says, "Now" At this point I'm tired of everything even the riddles. What is going on!!!
I was reminded of Genesis 3:6-10
6 When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. 7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.
8 Then the man and his wife heard the sound of theLord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. 9 But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?”
10 He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”
We get so caught up in the technical whats right and wrong in our life and even determining what's good for us as if we could fathom this concept that is blocked by our own opinions anyway. That was what got Eve, she determined what was good for her before she even understood wisdom. Then had the nerve to give Adam some of her justified good she knew of. I was guilty I thought by my works of praying, offering, and fellowship I could see God's favor in my life again. The truth was He couldn't even see me anymore. I was doing positive things and working hard and showing love Hey I had myself covered Right? Why did I even need to come to God my efforts was what was going to allow me to succeed anyway Right? It hit me like a brick you guys... That day He said NOW! He was waiting on me to own up to who I was. I was a broken, torn, depressed spirit that was separated from seeing It was by His grace I had favor. I had to now come to Him in prayer without my ego or trying to get something I "technically" had gotten from my own way of thinking. He was saying now stop covering yourself with leaves making things happen for you that I have already said you would have anyway. I was even like Adam once I did want a change or realized I needed a change I tried to hide behind things (prayer and fellowship).
Well with much prayer I sought after a relationship with Him, notice the difference? No more was I seeking favor I started seeking HIM and He caused me to become whole. I was ordained a week ago as a minister and I am reminded everyday of reaching this point of glory knowing that I am righteous because of His favor and not my own works. I can now go and sin no more not because of anything else but the fact that Jesus Christ gave me this and I honor and respect this gift of GRACE. I pray everyone begin to recognize their call to glory as I have this year.